Ezekiel 34:2 `This is what the Sovereign LORD says: Woe to the shepherds of Israel who only take care of themselves! Should not shepherds take care of the flock?
Of course I disguise it as wanting Heaven on earth. I come across as really quite caring sometimes; wanting the best for people. Wanting the struggles and suffering to end. Wanting them to be wholehearted, happy followers of the Lord Jesus. Wanting them to have meaningful, fulfilling, loving relationships that always work.
I’m generally pretty good as disguising my motives. But deep down a lot of what I do is about serving myself. Because an unhealthy dollop of the reason I want other people’s lives to be filled with joy, is so that my life is problem free. So that I have a church that works! Where I don’t feel like the spiritual equivalent of the plate spinning act. Charging from person to person encouraging them in the Lord for a few more revolutions.
This is not the Kingdom of God – it’s the Kingdom of Daf. It’s not eternal life – it’s eternal self. Where the world is ordered around me, to make me feel good about myself. Where I don’t have to go out of my way for people, because they don’t need helping! That sort of self-love is the opposite of the other person centred love of God, beautifully demonstrated in Jesus, that we will fully experience and share with one another in heaven. The home of self love in hell.
Fortunately the Holy Spirit is changing me to love Jesus and His people more. To want His glory more than my comfort. To treasure His honour more than my reputation. He’s started by showing me just how mixed my motives are.